Tuesday, August 7, 2012

No Rest For The Weary


NO REST FOR THE WEARY

            My only grandson’s mama asked him one morning how he had rested the night before.  “I couldn’t sleep for all of that moaning and groaning”, he replied.  “Who was moaning and groaning”, she asked?  Without hesitation he answered, “Me”.

            Boogers will do that to you sometimes.


                                                                                    J.C.F.


Lost and Found


LOST AND FOUND

            Sometime back, my son-in-law rescued a small puppy from the landfill compactor, and carried her home with him.  My second granddaughter’s comment was “Who in the world would throw away a perfectly good dog”? 

            A good question.


                                                                                    J.C.F.

Success


SUCCESS



            What determines success?  What kind of measuring stick do you use?  Wealth?  Station in life?  How high up the social ladder he has climbed?  Does he live in the biggest house in town?  Does he own the biggest pickup truck or the most expensive car?  By observation, I think some would say yes to one of these things.



            As I was coming across the church parking lot Sunday, I saw a man, (I don’t know who he was) that impressed me greatly.  He was holding a small boy, about three, by the hand.  A little girl about seven was holding the other hand of the boy.  Daddy was carrying a cradle in his right hand.  With a small baby in it.  He gets my vote, no contest.



                                                                                    J.C.F.

Monday, April 23, 2012

The Weather?


Timely Tidbits

            I believe we are living in the most unusual and turbulent era of my lifetime.  The weather has gone crazy.  All over the world.  When you try to figure out what’s happening, no measuring stick works anymore.



            An elderly lady told me years ago, “You know,” she said “As long as the Lord handled the weather, it did alright.  But ever since they turned it over to that man in Atlanta, it ain’t been nothing but messed up ever since.”  I agree.


            Me, I think it’s about time we turned it back over the Lord.  What do you think?



                                                                                    J.C.F.

Run Away Bride

News from the Yard Sale Circuit

Run Away Bride

            Everybody that knows me is acquainted with my love for yard sales.  I had been informed that a very special friend of mine was selling some old tools, etc., that I look for.  I thought that I remembered where she lived, but I was traveling slowly checking the names of the streets.  I was in her vicinity I knew, but I wasn’t prepared for what I ran up on.  As I topped a hill I saw a woman by the side of the road waving her hands and having a fit.  As I got a little closer, I saw that she was “hitch hiking”.  She wasn’t particular which way she was going, but was trying to stop cars going both ways.  I thought now, this woman is desperate.  I’ve been advised all of my life, never pick up a strange woman by the side of the road.  What a story this could be, I thought.  I don’t even care if she’s got a pistol a foot long, I’m gonna give this ‘un a ride.

            As I got closer, the picture got even stranger, I had a flash, thinking I had been killed in a wreck.  It happened so quickly that there was no one in heaven to greet me, but one single woman in a white wedding dress.  I had hoped for a few kin, if nothing more ---- “A White Wedding Dress”?  I hadn’t died, I had lost my mind.

            This changed my assessment of the whole situation.  I thought now, one of two things, she was getting married, and in the middle of the ceremony, “Shazam” the groom dropped dead, and she was trying to get some help, or she really, really didn’t want to get married and ran.  Either way, she needed help and I was going to try to lend my aid.

            My eye sight leaving something to be desired, as I got closer, I recognized the lady that I was looking for.  She was waving a sign advertising her sale.

            My, my, how we allow our eyes to send the wrong information to our brains.  A lot of the time what we think we see is nothing close to the truth.

            Needless to say, I could have gone back home right then knowing this lady had truly made my day.

            This is just the half of the story, later on, we’ll talk about the other half.


                                                                                    J.C.F.

Wednesday, March 21, 2012

News From The Yard Sale Circuit


News from the Yard Sale Circuit
 
 I ran across Big L, (a home-spun philosopher that I’m acquainted with) at a yard sale the other day.  We were discussing the unusual weather we have been having lately.  He told me that one night at his house, the wind blew so violently that it blew one of his prize roosters into a gallon jug.  He said that when they finally got him out, the rooster was so disoriented by the ordeal that he couldn’t walk straight for two days.

I asked him if lying is still a sin or if it had been legalized by Congress sneaked in by them, to placate the morals of the day.  He told me I was years behind, that they had legalized lying back about 1962.  Said it had been legal for the government for years and years, that they had just finally let us in on it.

You can get an education on the yard sale circuit that’s not possible anywhere else. 



Timely Tidbits


Every expert I hear on television lately assessing the state of the economy, comes up with the same story.  They all can “see the light at the end of the tunnel”.  Using the misguided tea leaves that I do, I can’t even find the tunnel.





Calvin Foster

Thursday, February 16, 2012

The Piddler


Don’t know just how it started

Nor when it first began

I found myself just piddlin

It surely wasn’t planned.




Sometimes I sit and ponder

Or write a silly rhyme

But mostly wind up piddling

Just passing off the time.



Some say that I’m lazy

For truth that isn’t so

Different is a better word

For them that really know.


I could have been a lawman

And wield a heavy hand

Or maybe a musician

And leader of a band



But as I stumble on through life

A different project every day

I’m most happy when I piddle

What more is there to say.



All folks can’t be piddlers

It takes a special kind

You need a bit of trifling in you

You always stay behind.




Consider this as you decide

How you want you life to go.

You don’t get rich a-piddlin

Ask me, I surely know.




I hope and pray the Lord will say

When my earthly trip is done

Heaven needs another piddler

And today you are that one.


CF.

The Legend of Whistlers Mountain


            In 1989, I bought a place in western North Carolina.  The building was originally built to house antique cars, no partitions.  I saw how easily it could be turned into a comfortable not fancy dwelling.

            A friend of mine was between jobs at the time and I persuaded him to help me transform the place. He, like me, is a “Jack of all Trades”, so we work well together.

            Neither of us being very good cooks, we ate most of our meals in the small town nearby.  Our favorite place was a service station that had a serve yourself hot dog bar.  We went there quite often.  This particular day, we had made our hot dogs and we were seated at a small table.  An old man was talking to the cashier.  When he saw us, he came over to where we were.  “You Fellers must be new around here”, he said.  “I know everybody in this area, and I don’t believe I’ve seen you before.”


            I assured him he was right, and acquainted him with what we were doing.


            “What place did you buy,” he asked?  I told him the location.  “Know it well”, he stated.  “Have you heard the story about that old mountain behind your place,” he inquired?  I told him that I hadn’t.  At this point he pulled up a chair and began to talk.


            When he had finished his story, he got up and started walking away.  “Maybe I’ll see the two of you again sometime,” he said, and walked out the door.


            I asked the clerk who the old man was, “I’ve never seen him before, I thought he was part of your crew,” he stated.  I thought this odd for the old gentleman had said that he knew everybody in this area.  But come to think of it he didn’t say everybody knew him.  This is the story that the old man told.


They say the mountain’s haunted

Don’t know that I believe

And yet you feel you’re not alone

As you wander through the trees.


It’s said an old man lived here

In the valley just below

In a cabin by the water

Where bulrush and cattails grow.


Everybody called him Whistler

No one knew his name

Didn’t know how long he’d been here

Or from where he came.



All the mountain folk knew Whistler

Most saw him everyday

He’d whistle tunes for passers by

To cheer them on their way.



Those were the good times

On each other you could depend

Neighbor loving neighbor

Each door open to a friend.



Mountain life was simple

Things stayed the same for years

He whistled tunes to fit the day

Through smiles as well as tears.



Whistler became restless as if waiting

His steps had gotten slow.

Just what the old main waited for

No one could really know.

Each one had their own opinion,

The truth was never learned.

Why he wandered up the mountain

And never did return.



Is it just coincidence

So the records say

That I moved into this county

On the day he went away?



Some say that when the north wind blows

In the evening late

Sounds like the wailing of a dove

That’s somehow lost its mate.



Could it be Whistler crying.

Out of sight but not yet gone away

What kind of rules for ghosts apply

How long must they stay?



Could it be that he can’t leave

Till someone takes his place

Does another have to be there

To fill that empty space?


The land was seized for taxes due

No kin had filed a claim

Impossible to advertise

A debt without his name.



His house stood empty quite a while

A buyer never found

The county wanted rid of it

Or else they’d burn it down.



I bought the place at auction

Just why I never knew

An inner voice kept telling me

It’s what you have to do.



His home was like he left it.

As neat as it could be

Two places set at table

Was he expecting me?



I knew that I had been here

Too familiar with the place

The dust covered painting on the wall

Of an old man saying grace.



A well worn King James Bible

On a table by his bed

Told me a lot about this man

By the things he read.



A dollar and a little change

Was all the money found

Wonder how he paid for his supplies

When he went to town.



I found it strange to say the least

As I rummaged through the place

Just one old faded photograph

Of a pretty woman’s face.



She looked so much like Mama

But that could never be

An inscription on the back read

Summer of eighteen eighty three.



Many were the questions

Answers very few

Wife, daughter, lover

I still wish I knew.



Unusual for an outsider

To be accepted as their own

They didn’t seem like strangers

But folks I’d always known.



It seemed that I was driven

Was told what I should do

If by choice or otherwise

I became Whistler number Two.



Now I’m known as Whistler

Cause that’s my first love too.

I whistle for my neighbors

Just like he used to do.


But progress moved in on us

Nothing stays the same

Seems to me like overnight

Everything had changed.



The county wanted wider roads

They tore the cabin down.

The only proof that it was there

A few cement blocks around.



Nothing left but memories now

Maybe a ghost or two

But I find myself still whistling

Tunes I never knew.

I wrote the story as tho I had been talking to Whistler number Two.  I believe that I had been.


But wait, there’s more . . .


            After the house was finished, my wife and I would come up every few weeks.  Me, to cut grass and do maintenance, and she to tidy up inside.  But mostly to enjoy the peace and quiet of the mountains.

            This particular hot summer day, I had been cutting grass.  I stopped to rest and cool and dozed off.  I was startled awake by a voice saying, “Sonny could I bother you for a drink of water?”  (I hadn’t been called Sonny for at least fifty years.)  Standing before me was an old man mopping his face and neck.  I invited him onto the porch, and asked if he had rather have a coke.  “No thank you,” he replied, “Water will be fine.”  He sat down in one of the rockers, and put his sweat cloth in one of his front pockets. As I went into the house for his water, I thought how unusual to carry your kerchief in your front pocket.  I brought his water out, and sat down next to him.  As he drank it, he remarked, “You know, years ago there was a spring of the sweetest water a man ever tasted just below where your well is now.  But with no one here to use it, time has filled it in and covered it over.” 


            He pulled out his cloth just one more time and stood up saying, “Looks like a summer shower is coming up, so I’d better head on up the mountain.”  As he walked off of the porch he said, “Thanks so much for the water, Sonny, and hope to see you again.”  As he walked away, I noticed for the first time that his shirt and overalls seemed to be hand made and didn’t have any back pockets.  That explained the sweat rag in his front.


            As he left, I carried his glass back into the house.  When I came out, he was nowhere to be seen.  But I could have sworn I heard someone whistling Danny Boy, my mama’s favorite song.  Na, I thought, must just be the wind.


            I could hear thunder out of the southwest, so I thought, the old man was right about the rain.  Thought I’d better pull the rockers back near the wall so they wouldn’t get wet.  As I pulled the chair he had been seated in I noticed a penny in the seat.  He must have pulled it out as he removed his cloth.  I picked it up, and started to put it in my pocket when I noticed it didn’t look right.  I examined it closer, and guess what?  It was an Indian Head Penny dated 1883.  Had it been lost, or placed there?


            This wasn’t the same man I had talked to in the service station.  Had I been hospitable to Whistler number One?


            Is the story true?

            Is it something I dreamed?

            Did someone tell it to me?

            Is it just plain fiction?

            I don’t know.  You Tell me.

CF.

Poke Salad, Corn Bread and Sassafras Tea


 
Born in the late nineteen twenties

Times were mighty bad.

Back then a bunch of hungry mouths to feed

Was all that Daddy had.



The next meal an unanswered question

So my mama said.

Looking back on those lean years

Wonder how they kept us fed.


 
Jobs were mighty hard to find

Food scarce as it could be

The three that I remember most

Are Poke Salad, Cornbread and Sassafras Tea.


 
Eight kicking feet in a double bed,

Was quite a sight to see

Not knowing we were poor

Was normal life for me.


 
When you’re young, all life is good.

Too soon it passes by.

Sometimes when I reminisce,

Memories make me cry.


 
The hamburgers, hot dogs and barbecue

Are mighty fine you see

I still often eat lest I forget

Poke Salad, Cornbread and Sassafras tea.


 
Today a daughter stopped by to visit

Guess what she brought to me.

You’re right, you guessed it

She brought me two Kraut dogs, a piece of cake

And a jug of good ole sweet iced tea.




Thank you Lord for being so good to me.


CF.

Booger Hollow Baby


Down on the creek in a cozy little spot

Hidden in the bushes is a fifty gallon pot.

When my mash is ready to make a little run

I head for Booger Hollow,

And I get my honey bun.



She wears tight jeans and she wiggles when she walks

You’ll tingle all over when she starts to talk.

She’s my kind of woman,

If you know what I mean.

Now let me tell you buddy,

She’s this moonshiner’s dream.



Chorus:


My Booger Hollow Baby

Helps me bottle up my booze

My Booger Hollow Baby

Never owned a pair of shoes

I’ve got it made,

I’ve nothing to lose

I’ve got a hundred proof woman,

I made ninety proof booze.



We run off the lightning

Then we run low wine.

We mix it and we blend it

Till it tastes just fine.

Along about daylight

We finish the brew.

We take a little time,

And pitch a little woo.




Now two more runs

And I’ll be all through

I’m gonna sell my pot,

And my pickup too.

If you want to find me

Booger Hollow’s where I’ll be

Cause raising little boogers

Is the job for me.




Chorus:



My Booger Hollow Baby

Helps me bottle up my booze

My Booger Hollow Baby

Never owned a pair of shoes

I’ve got it made,

I’ve nothing to lose

I’ve got a hundred proof woman,

I made ninety proof booze.

CF.

Hard Luck Calvin - Song

 

I was born in the fall of sixty eight.

I was due in July but I was two months late.

Daddy peeped and said it looks a little strange to me

Mama said I think I’ll call it Calvin.



Chorus:

How much trouble can one man see

How unlucky can a pore soul be

I couldn’t buy a whistle, if they gave a train to me.

I’m known as Hard Luck Calvin.



I went to see a friend of mine,

Just the other night

He told me that the dog he owned

Would never ever bite.

Boy but was he wrong

I still hurt when I sit down

Cause his doggie left a tooth in Calvin.



I checked into a hospital

Just to take some tests

Somehow they mixed my records

With a man’s with ailing chest.

When they woke me up,

Just imagine my surprise

They had operated on ole Calvin.



I asked a girl to marry me,

I did it just for fun.

If I had known she’d do it boy,

I’d still be on the run.

She said that was the way

Her daddy wanted it to be,

And his shotgun shore convinced old Calvin.


CF.